My Beyonce, Kiwis and Halloweenie.

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So somehow November has reared his little mausctached face and we see ourselves once again hurtling towards Santa time, which is kind of like Hammertime just with different pants. So I seemed to have got my self engaged to a Takapuna hotty. It was relatively easy, I just snuck up behind her while she was in the water. Thrust a ring in her face and scared the bejesus out of her. Honestly I was glad I was in the water because I might of popped a little wee when she said yes. Although we have started planning for the wedding I do have to remind Jules when she gets a little unruly, that the engagement is but a probational period, placed to test her good wifey skills.

We had some Vietnamesey Visitors last month. A quintuplet of excitement, a gaggle of Kiwis with a little aussie thrown in the mix. It was great to show them around our new home while digesting tasty morsels  and soaking ourselves in Larue Lager. It was truly O for orsome and I cannot wait until next July when our next visitors arrive.

On a sad note we lost one of our family members last month. Our little ‘Nooky’ went out one night and never came home. Maybe she found a better home, maybe she was sick of her brother getting all the food…..who knows. Someone suggested she may have been eaten but we all know that know one likes eating ginger…..cats.

Had my biggest Halloween week in a while. Started off painting little kids faces at Jules’s school, then painted my face and taught art at Green shoots while painting the kids faces there, then finished the night painting Jules and Kathy’s faces before we went to 17 Saloon Halloween extravaganza. After that I painted no more faces.

I am two days away from finishing my Mural at the hospital. I have met a lot of cool people there, doctors, nurses, volunteers and little kids. I am really happy with how it has turned out and cant wait to see the opening of the floor after Christmas.

Last week Jules and I went on a five day trip to Dalat. We went on a couple of day trips, climbed a mountain in jandels, ate some crickets, ate my weight in cake, ate the thinnest pizza in the world. Actually the only thing I didn’t eat was a ginger….cat.  We loved Dalat, with it’s cool mountain air and art Deco houses. Jules dressed like an Eskimo the whole time. I fear the Da Nang climate may have stifled her ability to live anywhere cold again.

So it is now the middle of November and rainy season still has not really arrived. Apparantly this time last year some of the local fish moved into the 10^th floor of the Mecure because it was so wet.

Lastly I have to mention an alarming trend that has suddenly burst onto the scene here in Vietnam. Pyjamas have become popular day wear for the old wrinkly men. You know those light blue distinguished men’s jim jams with a top pocket and dark rimmed cuffs. Granted they are a good looking night garment but I cannot figure out if the men don’t know if they are pyjamas or they get out of bed in the morning, look at their wardrobe and decide that what they are already wearing trumps anything else they have. I feel the next logical step is that it will catch on with the kids then we will all be dancing Gangnam Style in our pyjamas at the local RSA. Until next time peeps, over and out.

Shann

Dora the terrorist and my 30 year old baby

Well I am back in the sweaty bosom of Da Nang and someone has casually turned on the big tap in the sky. No catastrophes yet, villages swept away or deathly mudslides. Its just a casual sprinkling here and there, cooling down the air while the mosquito’s hump around in their trillions multiplying ready for the good stuff. Cunning as ever, they stop at nothing to get a piece of you. I saw a couple of mozzies the other day having sex in full view of everyone. Naturally I stopped to take a couple of photos while half a dozen accomplices ravished the back of my knees.

It was good to be back in New Zealand for three weeks. The weather gods were pleasant enough and as I went about my work I tried desperately to stuff as many pies, cakes and burgers into my mouth preparing again for noodlegeddon.  Hell you could have wrapped turd in a piece of pastry and I would have given it ago. Funnily enough when I returned yesterday all I wanted was a bowl of beef noodles.

I had a few airport mishaps, moans and misfortunes. I believe it all started at Auckland Airport when at 7am a man on a loud speaker bellowed out “ would the owner of a pink Dora the Explorer bag please collect it from gate 16”. A cunning ploy by a 3-year-old child was once again thwarted. I was delayed 5 hours at Saigon airport. I am not sure if you have been to Saigon airport, there is not a lot to do. So instead of racing ants on the tiled floor I popped over the road to the local cinema to listen to Christmas carols? Then watch a shitty movie. At least the seats were comfy. My biggest moan was on the way over to NZ. Jetstar, jetstar, jetstar……..what can I say. May your entire crew get diarrhea on a plane full of Muslims. I had my credit cards stolen a couple weeks before I left Vietnam. When I went to order some food on my 10-hour flight home, I was refused, as they would not take cash due to their credit card only policy. Not even when I spoke to their robotic manager pleading my case would they budge. 

So I went hungry for 14 hours. Incredible.

The Gift Fair went well for me considering the dire state of the retail sector. I walked away pretty pleased and the samples that I had made in Vietnam were well received.  There seemed to be this horrible inevitability hanging in the air in NZ of more expected price hikes, people telling me that living costs just keep rising with no apparent wage rises in sight. To be honest nothing shocked me more than a nine-dollar beer. After a quick calculation on my abacus I realized that I could buy 40 glasses of beer for that here in Vietnam. Someone is having a laugh.

So what now? Well today I start my first class at my new teaching job. Once a week for two hours at a local expat school teaching art. I am dressed and ready to go but feel a little underdressed in my shorts and tee shirt. Art teachers should drape them selves in white silk or wear some kind of crazy home made suit pant with a receding ponytail and custom painted specs. Maybe that will come with time but for now my craziness will lay hidden on my aeroplane undies. So we are designing and painting a environmentally themed mural on the whole front of the school.  My main objective at this point is to keep all of the children alive and not to swear in class.

I have a behemoth of a mural to complete at the local hospital and I have more new products to design for Tantrum Design in the New Year. I bought my surfboard over so hopefully a little bit of surfing will take place, we have visitors coming to stay soon and I have cats to get spade (not related). It is all go I tell you.

What I did realize as I entered Da nang airport was I was glad to be back and that home, for now, is definitely in Vietnam. There is still a lot to see and do and life is pretty unpredictable which is how I like it.

Shann 

Wedding Bells and Sweaty Chicken Wings

The Olympics are on and ironically they seem to make me a little on the lazy side. I mean there is nothing more satisfying than laying on the couch in a horizontal position that is bordering on a backwards incline, feeding large amounts of brightly coloured food into your face while watching a group of athletes physically exert themselves to near death. It just makes me want to recline even more horizontally. I now find myself going to bed in the early hours of the morning, which inevitably makes me even more tired, which spirals me into another couch binge Olympic session. It’s a perpetual laziness trap that will not finish until the Olympics do.

So our last few weeks have been dominated by the wedding we attended a couple weeks back in Hue. We were lucky enough to be invited by Hieu and Huong to the ceremonies as well as the reception. It was a beautiful and somewhat hot affair. For the first time in six months I found myself wearing a pair of strides, socks and shoes and a shirt. In a somewhat cruel twist of fate the mercury decided to reach 40C at the pre wedding celebrations. So after we climbed off La Fonda the Honda and our one-hour hot air ride my body decided to melt. It just became one big self-destructing circle of sweat. First the small dot of sweat began on my front and this made me nervous so I sweat more. Soon the sweat dot turned into a man boob sweat and then just when I thought I had a handle on it my girlfriend tells me that my back resembled a piece of glad wrap in a bathtub. But luckily we had beer. Beer in abundance with large slabs of ice in it. There was a 2000 decibel Karaoke machine where Jules sung a lovely rendition of ‘Time After Time’ There was good eating and a lot of toasting. Mot, Hai, Bad, Yo!!!!! (1, 2, 3, cheers) is heard everywhere and just as things got going everyone jumped out of their seats and said goodbye. That’s it. The MC said it’s over so we were off again.

The wedding the next day started at 6am at Hieu’s house. A long procession of family members took a bus to Huongs house where a ceremony took place, some adornment of jewels and gifting of wedding paraphernalia. Then everyone on the bus again back to Hieu’s where a similar ceremony was performed. Then just as it started to heat up and the tummy started to rumble the whole family got on the buses again and head off to the reception. It is hard to sum up everything in a few words. I will just say this; Jules and I were made to feel like celebrities. We were welcomed into homes and then looked after and paraded around by both families. English was of little use so there was a lot of gesturing and smiling. It really was a great day.

Jules and I have now started Vietnamese lessons and I have to come to the conclusion that it cannot possibly be a real language. I think most of the time they are just making stuff up. I am going to keep trying. Jules seems to be getting a handle on this hoax better than me, but once I start making up my own words we’ll see who has the last laugh.

The only real fast food in Da Nang unless you count agile rats is KFC. And before you say, ha ha isn’t it KFD………no! I actually prefer it to NZ’s Kentucky Fried equivalent. Firstly uniformed KFC representatives greet you at the door. You order and it costs around $5 for a meal. The meal comes with cutlery on a plate with a glass full of cold Pepsi. Unfortunately the burgers still resemble a promiscuous camel’s vagina but boy can you taste the chicken. Then there are the chicken pieces. A huge breast of chicken heavily coated in the colonel’s secret herbs and spices making it clear that Vietnamese chickens are obviously a little more endowed than their woman. Do I miss fast food, yes I do, and on return to NZ in just over 2 weeks I shall be revisiting all that Auckland greasy food chains have to offer.

Before I come back could I please order some warm weather. I am not sure if I can handle temperatures 35C colder than I am currently experiencing.

Cheers

Shann

Charity Kittens and Expeditions

Forgive me Father for I have sinned. It has been a solid 3 weeks since my last blog and I am feeling a weeny bit naughty.

You may ask, Shann, why the religious prelude? Well my heathen friends, Julia and I have joined arms with a church group here in Da Nang and we are rocking our souls in the bosom of Abraham. One of our goals while we were here was to get on the charity bandwagon and spread the love. We found this great organisation who have been in Da Nang for 14 years and who receive funding from church groups in Australia. Before you say “Hallelujah brother and praise the Lord” with lots of frankincense, Jules and I are just pitching in where we can, which will entail a hospital mural in the children’s ward, helping with the Operation Heartbeat program which gives heart operations to kids in need and hopefully a trip out into the wops where we will distribute piglets and other fairy tale like animals.

Speaking of animals, Jules and I have kittens. After I sent the last one to a watery grave I thought it was only fair to try again. We thought we had two 3-week-old sisters but after a trip to the vet today and a wee bit of feline fondling we actually have a brother and sister called Sticky and Nooky. They give us great joy by performing circus tricks most of the day and best of all they toilet trained themselves in one day. Took them for their shots today. Two shots each and a vet consultation in what seemed to be the lounge of someone’s house set us back $5.

Yesterday we took the day off and went on a motorbike excursion over the hills and far away. We swam on a deserted beach in crystal blue waters, rode over mountainous like mountains and found the secretive Elephant Springs which hundreds of Vietnamese had also found. Luckily because of our overall sweatiness we were given our own private swimming hole and relaxing waterfall to ponder in. The day ended with a sunset motorbike gallivant back over the mountains and a  ‘dirty chicken’ dinner with friends. There is nothing more satisfying than BBQ chicken and beer.

Have not really spoken in depth about the public toilet situation here in Da Nang.  It’s somewhat of a lottery in each establishment.  It varies from a proper toilet to a hole in the ground to a floor and two bricks (Jules’s personal favourite). A slightly sloping slab of sneaky cement distributes your wees nicely but we have yet to experiment with the more weighty number two extract mainly due to a lack of wiping material or any kind of high powered sprinkler system. It was about 45 C in our upstairs toilet the other day. Not the best place to be during ones early morning coffee laxative rampage. It’s like piping chocolate mousse infused with honey in a foreign sauna. I am getting somewhat used to the smells. No longer does a ride through the fishing village feel a slap in the face with a wet fish fart. Julia actually whiffed fondly at the sulphur smell protruding from a building site the other day. We seem to be fitting in.

I leave you finally with a new game I have invented. It’s called ‘man pissing’. There is an amazingly sophisticated game in NZ called ‘Horse’. I don’t have the time to explain all the rules but when you are driving along and you see a horse you yell out ‘Horse’ ………actually that’s all the rules. Well substitute a man pissing with a horse and you have a new game. Bonus point if he’s got a motorbike helmet on.

So I must scoot into town now and pick up my beautiful girlfriend (who is not impressed with all the talk of excretion) on the back of Lafonda the love Honda. Until next time.

Shann

Tropical paradise

Hi Everyone

Well 38 just snuck up behind me and pinched my ass. It seems like only yesterday I was 23, drinking loads of beer and living in a foreign country. Ahhh how times have changed…hang on?

So this year to celebrate the birth of Shann Whitaker, Jules arranged a weekend getaway on a tropical island. We dived with Lionfish, giant Grouper and green whip coral and participated in other strenuous activities like sun dodging, hammock swinging and competitive Vietnamese food eating. Of course such activities are hot work so there was a fair amount of hops hydration going on as well. The weekend was really too idyllic for words. All I will say is if Robinson Crusoe stranded himself on this beach and he had a few barn yard animals or a fluffy monkey to keep him warm then I doubt he would have made an large effort to set his smoke signal bonfire ablaze.

Some of the locals came over for a few hours. It is quite a sight to see when you are swimming half naked with a brew in your hand and a boat full of people in sweatshirts gloves and jeans walk onto the beach and scurry up to the trees to get out of the sun. Kind of defeats the purpose of a tropical island really.

I have become addicted to air-conditioning. I am trying to invent some kind of mainlining apparatus where the cold air goes straight into my blood system. So far, with little success. I do however have an abundance of over inflated mice I need to palm off. I am starting to use the fan whenever I can. It plays havoc with my comb over but makes an amazing pubic hairdryer while one checks ones emails in the morning.

Jules and I went to a local soccer game the other night. By the stares I think most of the crowd thought we must be on our way to the white person stadium and had taken a wrong turn. On entry we had our drinks put into a small plastic bag. The kind you would take a goldfish home in. It was one all with one minute to play and Da Nang scored ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. The crowd went crazy and then ran to the exit so they could make a traffic jam as quick as possible.

Jules and I asked our landlord about a cleaner last week. She told us it would be $5 an hour. We thought that a to be a rip off so we rang our agent who rang the landlord and told her that was a little steep. The landlord caved and changed the price to $2.50 an hour and said the cleaner would start on Wednesday. Wednesday came around and the cleaner turned up and guess who it was……our landlord…ha..ha ..haaaaaaa. Too funny.

Went to the movies with Jules on date night and saw The Avengers. They only play big blockbuster action films as only kids and Uni students go to the movies. It was air splittingly loud but somehow the little chubby kid behind me still made himself heard over the 2000-decibel gunfire. Much to Julia’s embarrassment I had to give him an ‘Oi…shhhhhh’ …………didn’t work, the little chubby dude just got louder.

I guess the big news is that Jules signed a two-year contract with Singapore International School. Starting August 15^th she will be a full time teacher with a tidy salary, housing allowance, air travel allowance and a professional sun- tanning boyfriend.

The other big news is that we have joined the masses and bought ourselves a Honda Wave motorcycle. Her name is Lafonda and she goes like the clappers. Jules has already taught herself how to crazy drive. As I have said before. There are no road rules so not much to learn accept point and go.

Finally just to give you an idea of personal space violations here. Today I went to lunch. Turned up at 1pm so the restaurant/ garage was empty. Sat down at one of those table and chairs that you wonder whether it had been looted out of a dolls house. 5min later there were 4 people at my table. It was like a no holds bar chopstick fight. There was no conversation but quite a bit of eyeballing, talking about me and showing me what food to eat with what utensils. I still believe they are a little bit embarrassed about inventing the chopstick.

Until next time my friends, I bid you farewell.

Ha Long Bay and Kittens

Hi there folks

Another few weeks of my life just disappeared quicker than you can say  ‘dead already. Its been an eventful few weeks with trips north and south, parties and dossers, pets and dead pets and of course several buckets of perspiration.

Lets start with the most important thing. You are now reading the letter written by Da Nangs number one champion Sandcastle sculptor (we actually came second but it was totally rigged) you may now take a moment to bathe in my glory ………….. Last Sunday 75 teams of four walked out in near inferno conditions with shovel and hat, slaved away for 3 hours to produce a line of epic sandcastles to raise awareness for safe beach fun (condoms and sand just don’t mix). Our team, Team Slap and Tickle was an international ensemble featuring Jules and I (NZ) and Dan and Meg (USA) Our mission was to create a six meter water buffalo with wings and fire coming from it’s ass. This was a tricky creation to explain to the locals. One girl asked if these kinds of Buffalo lived in the forest in NZ. Maybe she had been to the Ranui markets on a Sunday morning? Team slap and tickle walked away with a new fandangled boogie board, one million dong cheque ($60) for a meal at the Mecure Hotel and four crippled old ruined bodies. Also, I think I got sand in my vagina as I was pretty cranky the next day and resembled some kind of rigamortis mushroom.

Last weekend Jules and I hopped up to Hanoi for a wee looksy. Jules had some Visa stuff to take care of and I felt like wandering around sweat soaked markets smelling poos and wees.  We took the overnight train up which was like a prison on tracks. Four beds to a room. It was all fun and games until you wanted to go to the loo. Each time I went I walked away feeling like I had just pashed a toilet brush. Hanoi was great, mad, but great. Got to look at a lot of galleries and shops and I am finally starting to get my head around making my products here. I also picked up my daily four-mozzie bites. I am constantly scratching and realized that four bites a day are 1460 bites a year. Eventually that will pretty much make me half mozzie on my sister’s uncle’s side.

When we got to Hanoi we decided to take a 2-day cruise around Ha Long bay. We met up with our 10 shipmates. Scandi’s, Poms, Aussies and Vietnamese and set sale into the beautiful sea along with the other 250 boats. It was actually quite stunning and once we got going all the boats started to disperse off into their own little areas. The boat was really cool equipped with a bar and dining room. The rooms had aircon and showers and soon everyone was swimming, fishing, kayaking and spelunking.

On our return to Hanoi we met up with Jules’s friends for a home cooked Indian meal and goodness gracious me was it not splendid and indeed eaten with much merriment.

We took the train back again to catch some more germs and invited 4 of the Scandis to doss at our place. Our spare room upstairs was so hot it was like one big Sauna. I had been thinking for a while that I would like to turn it into a Swedish Sauna and whataya know.

They had a great 3 days at ours, we laughed we cried we drowned a kitten.  Unfortunately that last bit was no joke. Jules and I adopted a tiny street kitten with the Abola virus. The next morning it just kept vomiting and crawling off into the corner to die. Finally I couldn’t handle the long drawn out cruelty so I filled a bucket with water and put it out of its misery. Unfortunately what I didn’t know was this kitten was actually Claude, Vietnams champion free diver kitten that could hold his breath forever. I am now pretty much scarred for life. At one point I think I cried out “will you drown already”

So no more strays allowed. There has been a lot more going on. Basically every time we step out the door something weird or interesting happens. I have finally worked out the traffic situation. It is absolutely brilliant. Basically the Vietnamese have scrapped all road rules thus totally making the ‘dumb ass’ driver obsolete. No rules, no rules to break and no one to get angry at. At home I am always yelling at some dumb ass that does not know the road rules. If there are no rules then you cannot yell at anyone. Brilliant.

So it’s now time to wash off my 3 layers of sweat. Hope you guys are all good.

Shann and Jules

Our Home in Da Nang

So here we are,

Da Nang AKA China Beach. 30 km of white sand and clear blue water, and deserted between the hours of 9am and 4pm. For a Vietnamese female, inhabiting the beach between these hours would mean the possibility of a small fraction of skin getting slightly brown thus making her look like a peasant farmer and rendering her obsolete from the marriage pool. However, once the sun begins to set, fifty thousand locals come down to the beach in their jeans and t-shirts and swim (fully clothed) between the flags. From a distance it looks like someone has spilled a giant pack of raisins in a tub. At 4.30pm they play music at 1 million decibels through small tiny megaphones. The other day it took 15 minutes to play a rendition of ‘lemon tree’ as it kept cutting out so they kept starting it again. The music is interrupted by the news, which by the stares we get is broadcasting the arrival of two international Kiwis with food on their faces.

Hardly anyone speaks English here and our Vietnamese is coming along like a cat learning how to speak dog. The same words that mean 10 different things pronounced 10 different ways. I am a face paint away from looking like Marcel Marso on a daily basis. The people that do speak a little bit of English are really eager to learn and love to sit down with us during dinner to chat. They are so friendly and often yell HELLO into your face. Or they will try out what ever phrases they know, like the other day a guy said “Hello, What’s your name” I said Shann and he said “ What the fuck” and continued to ask the question as he strolled up the beach.

I have a pet fly, his name is Gerard. I love him so much. He follows me everywhere. I often shoo him away in jest but he just lands back on me. If I catch him one day I am going to rip his wings off and feed them to him.

Jules and I went and looked at a couple of houses today. One was too dark and did not have a sink. The other one was so big we could have started a roller derby downstairs and pretty much not have heard it if we were upstairs. We have a Polish guy named Peter looking around for us who does not have a wolf but does have a good grasp on expat properties in the Da Nang area so we hope to find something soon. For now we are holed up on the 5^th floor at the Sea Wonder hotel. It is neither by the sea nor does it conjure up any wonder as it suggests but it is comfortable and has more staff than occupants. One in particular is Huong or lady perfume (her name means perfume) She is a chatty we thing with a heart of gold.

Took my first motorbike ride at peak hour today. It was pretty much like being in the millennium falcon in an asteroid field accept we were on a nifty fifty and the all the asteroids were trying to pass us. Jules will be having a lesson soon at 3am at the far end of town in an abandoned car park……..and I think I may have to start her off on a trolley. Jules starts work in a couple of weeks but has a day relieving at the local International School on Friday. This is good news as she will be now top of mind once they start back in July after the holidays. We probably have to go to Hanoi this week end as Jules needs a working Visa stamp in her passport. I look forward to seeing the capital and we will probably go to Hao long bay for a looksy. Anyhoo, having lots of fun. Trying to get settled and laughing a lot. Hope you are all well.

Shann and Jules

Da Lang a lang

I sit here typing as Julia TV remotes her self through 60 channels of Vietnamese soap operas. I’m not sure what they are about but there always seems to be mass wailing and woe. Just like Young and the Restless just with cardboard sets and of course in Vietnamese. We are now in our new flat. 100sqm, 2 floors, two bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, fully furnished with garden and fishpond for a whopping $350 a month. Granted at this point of time we have no functional water supply and are bathing rather bashfully in a little red plastic bowl. The day we moved in Jules found a huge cockroach in our room. It had been there a while as it had a moustache and was smoking a cigar. When I chased down the hall I noticed it had a tee shirt that read ‘ Who will be laughing when the nuclear holocaust comes’ we also have a pet rat that comes into the yard each day. Jules still thinks it’s a small dog but I pointed out to her that small dogs don’t wear eye patches.

We have no water because it has been a holiday for the last two days and all plumbers are either drunk or sleeping on planks of wood. Yesterday was Vietnam reunification day. The monumental day when the Northern tanks defeated the USA and smashed into the Ho Chi Minh City Palace taking their southern brothers into a deep embrace. Wait, hang on, first the Southerners were sent to the “Re education” Camps then they all embraced. I wonder how some of the Southerners feel about this holiday, as many families would still have fathers and grandfathers that fought along side the Americans.  To celebrate this weekend Da Nang held the first champion of champions’ fireworks competition. France, Italy, Canada, China and Vietnam. After the smoke had cleared and the millions dispersed I am still not sure who won. I am sure however that some little fireworks factory in China will be having an extra helping of Ping Pong Quaaaar this year. Jules and I were once again on display. We had our photos taken, we were asked questions about how old we were and why we were not married. We were even asked to take photos of people with us with our cameras? Jules even got asked home by a drunken safety officer with 3 teeth and an open purple shirt. Why she turned those gums down I will never know. So it was spectacular time and we had a group of friends up from Hoi An staying at ours to celebrate with.

We are slowly acclimatizing to both the food and heat. It was 38C the other day and my hair caught fire. I now look like Stevie Wonder (forgot to tell you I have had braid extensions) Jules and I had our first bad meal tonight down some back alley. You know the saying ‘Pigs snouts and assholes’ Well I'm pretty sure my broth winked at me when I puckered my lips.

We had a big surprise party for an American friend on Friday night. It was a family affair with heaps of kids and expats. There are quite a few families here mostly from Aussie, NZ and USA. Jules starts work next week, which she is looking forward to. Its been about 5 months since she last worked and today she was watching Justin Bieber on TV which I read somewhere is a sure sign of mental illness.

In a couple of days we are taking the train up to the capital Hanoi to visit Hau Long Bay and get a bit cultural on it. Apparently there are coffee shops where girls in bikinis serve you coffee. Jules has kindly pointed out that this is neither cultural nor fair trade.

So we are well and truly ensconced in Vietnamese life. I can say hello and can count to ten now so I am pretty much an integrated citizen. So its now time for my sponge bath. Dad would say that the little red bucket I am about to bathe in was built like the town hall…..not enough ballroom. But then you could say that about most of the buildings I frequent.

Until next time

Shann and Jules

Adventurous Beginnings

I have woken up to today not quite sure what the day or date is which means that I am well and truly on holiday now. This will end shortly when we arrive in Da Nang and Jules reports to teaching duty. As for me well I will have to smarten up my act and start to plan a bit of a time line. I thought instead of trying to tell you what we have been doing the past two weeks I would just tell you about our favourite day that transpired a couple days ago. The perfect day.

We were in Na Trang, a long stretch of beach where it seems the Russians go to spread their massive white carcasses across the sand to burn like Baltic whales. That morning we chose ‘Lanterns’ as our place for our standard muesli with fruit, orange juice, coffee and a slice of toast with our jar of traveling vegemite. No marmageddon here folks. This for all three dollars each.

As we munched on breakfast we were accosted by the usual bunch of street vendors selling books, sunglasses, Vietnamese paintings and small orphaned babies. We had decided to hire a moped so we could explore the local mountains. In particular the local Mud baths and hot springs. Jules had what was commonly known in backpacker circles as the ‘squirts’ or runny bottom so we thought the mud baths would be a brilliant place to visit thus disguising any unfortunate accident that might occur. So we hopped on our motorbike and joined the other 60 million motorbikes that take the streets everyday. So there we were. I was like Dennis hopper in Easy Rider cruising down the high way with the wind in my hair only we were on a 50cc Honda Wave and it was the Na Trang coastline not Route 66.

We wound ourselves up the small streets to the Mud baths where we were greeted by a small morning crowd. Once we negotiated our way through the ticketing process that consisted of purchasing the ticket, taking two steps giving the ticket to the ticket ripper, walking  20 metres, presenting the ticket to gather another ticket to receive a towel, turn around to another counter to present our ticket to receive our towel and locker key. Once we got changed we went to enter the mud bath area…….doh! needed our ticket, which we left in our locker.

We spent the morning soaking in mud, then hot water, then cold water and man made hot waterfalls. It was a great relaxing place to spend the morning. We concluded that it also doubled as a Russian white whale sanctuary. Russians are big big people and some of the Russian women that bathed that day looked like they had attached a couple of basketballs in stockings to their chests.

After our soak we hit the highway again powering along at an impressive 40km per hour while 10 ton trucks sped past us blowing smoke in our face. We were on the hunt for the elusive Baho Waterfall. It was an off road track that we finally found that consisted of ducks, and dogs, small children yelling ‘Hello’ every two metres. Adults smiling and probably telling us that we looked stupid and to cover up. Just a side note……Jules and I dress in our daily tee shirt and shorts, as it is about 30 degrees out and sweat pours from every orifice. I think the local girls think we are crazy as they saunter around in jeans, a hoody, with the hood over their heads and a mask to keep out the germs or sun or exhaust or perhaps its some new fandangled hip hop gangster thing?

So we found the waterfall and had one of those deserved swims only a sweat-laden person can have. On the way back we stopped to watch the sunset in a local fishing village. Drinking beer and eating little prawn crackers. The day was finished where it was started, at Lanterns restaurant, eating a creamy tofu curry and caramelized onion and pork slow cooked in a clay pot. So there you have it, our perfect day and Jules didn’t even shit herself.  We have had a few more great days since I started writing this email and are now in Hoi An which by the looks of thing, we may spend a week here. We are loving Vietnam. The sights and especially the smells. There’s the fish mixed with poo smell. The steamed rice and poo smell. The BBQ and poo and my favourite poo and poo which stays with you for a while. Right so on that note I must say goodbye. Will be in touch soon with more stories.

Shann and Jules